Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
