In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
