YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
