She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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