please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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