I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
