Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
