I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
