help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
