I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
