The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
