I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
