So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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