At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
