I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
