Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
