Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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