One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
