I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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