Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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