Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
