I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
