I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
