Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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