who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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