I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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