Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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