i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
