I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
