You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
