my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
