I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
