not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
