We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
