Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
