dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
