I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
