just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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