He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
