Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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