wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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