I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
