Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
