If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
