I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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