why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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