Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
