the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
