bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
