That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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