Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
