and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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