We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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