Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
