Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
