I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
