11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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