Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize