there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
