do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
