Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
