just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
