Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
