I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
