I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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