update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
