I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
