you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
