I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
